D3 body, D1 cock
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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