Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
