Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
