Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
