Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
