Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
