I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
