Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize