p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
