if you like me you must not know who I am
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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