i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Less talking, more tequila
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
