Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
