I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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