the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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