If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
