Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
