She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
