sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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