Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
