You're completely useless in the revolution.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I look better un-naked...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
