I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
