It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize