girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
