lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
