Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
