Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
