im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
