You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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