his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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