I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
