Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
