my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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