Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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