This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm too high and old for this...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
