We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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