can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Even my vagina gasped.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
