My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
