i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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