your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
