he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
