I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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