I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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