VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
