I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
