It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need to calm my uterus...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
