she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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