i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
