Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
