the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
