I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize