Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
