flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
