I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
