She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
