There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
