marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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