I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
