DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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