Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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