Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
