What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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