Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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