I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
