Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
