All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
