I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
