So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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