I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
