remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
