cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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