none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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